


like the holding of hands (like the breaking of glass)

by to-a-merrier-world (wayward_wolves)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Minor Violence, POV Allison Hargreeves, Pre-Relationship, Pseudo-Incest, Secret Crush, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, and more biphobia really, just a little, vanya hargreeves gets a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_wolves/pseuds/to-a-merrier-world
Summary: Rumors where what led her down this dark path to this point, but she’d have to find her way out without her powers. Unfortunately, she was scrambling in the dark with no way to see and no idea what to do.But she had to try.--aka "what if Allison didn't try to rumor Vanya in the cabin?"





	like the holding of hands (like the breaking of glass)

**Author's Note:**

> oof, this got away from me, lol. the beginning is a bit of a recap of that scene, but then it diverges.
> 
> thank you @lovewarandtua on tumblr for the prompt!!
> 
> hope y'all enjoy!

“ _He made me an accomplice...”_

Her own words echoed in Allison’s mind.

She’d thought she’d known the full extent of her own sins. Of all the terrible things she’d done with her powers, she’d thought she’d  _known_. 

But all this time.  _All this time_. She had... she’d... to Vanya...

She couldn’t even look at her.

“You did this to me?” Vanya asked, and the words cut through Allison like a knife.

 _Yes_ , that dark and ugly part of her mind whispered.  _Yes, you did do it to her. You’re just as bad as Dad_.

“I... I didn’t realize-” she started to say, but Vanya interrupted her.

“You knew this whole time?”

 _No, no, no, I didn’t know, Vanya, I didn’t know,_  Allison thought. She wanted desperately for Vanya to believe her, but that voice in her head reminded her that there was a  _reason_  Vanya didn’t trust her at her word.

“That I had  _powers?”_  Vanya shouted, standing up.

Allison stood, too, desperation clawing at her throat.

“No, no! I didn’t really understand until I came today, until I saw it.”

 _Please believe me, please believe me,_  her mind chanted.

“Well, now it all makes sense. This is why you never wanted me around,” Vanya said, voice scratching raw in her throat.

“What?! No!” 

“You couldn’t risk me threatening your place in the house, your -- your dominance!”

“That is not true,” Allison said, shaking her head.

“You couldn’t handle the fact that Dad might find  _me_ special!” Vanya shouted.

“You are special, with or without your powers!” Allison yelled back.

_You’re so special, Vanya. So special to me._

_“_ Don’t--don’t say that!”

“We have a chance to start over,” Allison bargained.  _Please, please, please listen_. 

“YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE!” Vanya screamed.

Allison’s mind balked against that. She’d hurt Vanya, but ruined her life? That--that wasn’t...

“Oh, please, Vanya, everything is out in the open! We can  _move on!”_

 _Please,_  Allison thought.  _Please let us move on, please let me make up for all I’ve done, please give me that chance._

“Oh, I’m moving on. But not with you, with Leonard,” Vanya said, and that name made Allison’s teeth grind.

“With  _Harold_ , you mean.”

“With  _Leonard!_ The only person who has ever loved me for me!”

Allison moved back, laughing softly to cover the pain. Oh, but that was a low blow. She’d fucked up, she’d fucked up so bad this time. 

Her throat itched for a rumor, but she swallowed that urge away. She couldn’t. She  _wouldn’t_.

Suddenly, the air grew tense, and Allison froze, staring at Vanya, whose eyes had suddenly gone cold.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not threatened now.”

Allison could feel her heart beating in her throat. The wind chimes outside started tinkling as the house began to creak.

Allison looked around as a wind from nowhere began to blow inside the cabin. Everything in her was screaming that she was in danger, but she couldn’t let Vanya think she was afraid of her, too. She already thought Allison didn’t love her, she didn’t need to think Allison was  _afraid_ of her.

“I don’t wanna argue with you,” Allison tried, hoping to diffuse some of the tension.

“Then go!” Vanya shouted.

“I’m only trying to help you.”

“I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP!” Vanya screamed over her.

“Vanya,  _I love you.”_ She said it like she was begging, and in a way, she was.

 _I love you, please believe me. I love you, I love you, I love you_.

“STOP SAYING THAT!”

The wind picked up and the cabin began rattling in earnest, glass shattering somewhere inside the cabin. Allison looked at Vanya, and her eyes had turned... lost. No...  _vacant_. 

Something was wrong. Really, really wrong.

“Are you...” Allison started, her heart breaking even though she didn’t know why. “Are you okay?”

“ **I SAID GO!”** Vanya screamed, voice gone shrill, face contorted in anger and... fear?

The lights above them shattered, and Allison gasped, lifting her arms to shield her face.

She needed Vanya to calm down, she was losing control. She needed to rumor--

Allison’s thoughts came to a screeching halt. What was she thinking? Hadn’t she said she’d never rumor again? Hadn’t she promised Patrick, the lawyers, her  _daughter?_

Hadn’t she promised herself?

 _For once in your life, Allison Hargreeves, keep your **fucking word** ,_ Allison thought to herself, nails biting into the palms of her hands.

Rumors where what led her down this dark path to this point, but she’d have to find her way out without her powers. Unfortunately, she was scrambling in the dark with no way to see and no idea what to do.

But she had to try.

Slowly, her heart in her throat and eyes on Vanya, she backed away. She stopped when she hit a chair in the kitchen, and she slowly pulled it out and sat down, not once looking away from Vanya.

The house still shook around them, and Allison had no idea what she was doing, no idea what was going to happen.

She opened her mouth, but words failed her in the moment.

_What could she say to make this better?_

Which was when she realized something: she didn’t have to make it better. _She_ just had to be better.

For Claire. For _Vanya_.

“I won’t go,” she said, voice so low and uncertain she didn’t know if Vanya would even be able to hear her over the creaking of the house.

“I won’t leave you, again.”

Her voice and hands shook as she stared into Vanya’s eyes. Vanya was shaking, too.

“I know… I know you don’t believe me, but I _love_ you, Vanya. And I—I don’t want to lose you.”

A tear fell from her eye, taking her by surprise. She hadn’t even noticed she’d started crying.

Slowly, slowly, the house’s shaking subsided until finally it stopped, and there was nothing but the sound of Vanya’s heavy breathing.

They kept staring at each other, and tears kept falling from Allison’s eyes unhindered, until finally the moment broke and Vanya dropped to her knees.

Allison was up and over to her in seconds, hands reaching out to hold her, but stopping before she touched her, unsure of her welcome.

“Vanya?” she whispered.

A sob racked Vanya’s small, hunched form. She looked up at Allison, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry,” she hiccupped, and Allison’s heart squeezed in her chest.

“Oh, Vanya.”

She reached out, slow so Vanya had time to tell her to stop, and gently laid a hand on her cheek, thumb brushing away her tears. Allison shook her head, words failing her yet again.

Vanya reached out, hand shaking, and grabbed ahold of Allison’s wrist. She just held it, as though she simply needed something to hold onto.

Overcome by her own emotions, Allison leaned forward and enveloped Vanya in a hug, holding her to her chest as she started to sob in earnest. Allison pressed her own face to Vanya’s hair, desperately trying to hold back her own tears.

Vanya felt so small in her arms. So fragile. But when Allison’s arms tightened around her, she was still solid, muscles hidden beneath soft skin and baggy sweaters.

Strong underneath it all, just like Vanya’s heart.

Vanya was fragile, but Allison reminded herself that she’d survived in the same house as her. She’d been brave enough to write that book and publish it, too. She was stronger than anyone ever expected her to be, and she did it all without any of their support.

Not anymore.

Allison planned to keep this promise, too. She wasn’t going to leave Vanya. Not again.

She’d failed Vanya just like she’d failed Claire. But she would be better for them. She had to believe she could be.

Finally, Vanya’s sobs began to subside and Allison pulled back, smoothing a hand over her hair. She smiled a little when their eyes met, and Vanya smiled back hesitantly.

Allison opened her mouth to say they should go, but stopped herself before the words even started forming on her lips.

_Don’t demand. Ask._

Something the therapist she’d been forced to see as a condition to visit Claire had suggested. Allison figured she didn’t have anything to lose in trying.

“Will you come with me?” she asked, hands holding Vanya by the arms.

Vanya’s eyes searched hers, and Allison held her breath.

“Okay,” Vanya finally whispered.

Allison sagged in relief, tamping down on her grin until it was just a slight uptick of her lips.

“Okay,” Allison agreed, nodding.

She got to her feet, helping Vanya to hers. Vanya hadn’t let go of her violin and bow, and Allison didn’t try to take them from her.

“Do you need me to get your things…?” Allison asked, looking around.

She wasn’t sure how long they had before Harold showed up again and she was starting to get antsy, but she was forcing herself not to push Vanya. She’d clearly just had an emotional breakdown, the last thing she needed right now was for Allison to push. Especially with this new, unknown power of hers.

Vanya considered for a moment, but shook her head.

“Just my violin,” she murmured.

Allison looked around for its case, spotting it on a side table. She went to it, placing it on the coffee table for Vanya to put her violin away.

Vanya moved slowly, as though every movement was an effort. She carefully opened the case and placed her violin inside, clipping the bow in place and shutting it again.

The moment the locks clicked in place on the case, the door opened.

Allison and Vanya’s heads both jerked up to find Harold walking through the door.

“What’s going on?” he asked, eyes darting between Vanya to Allison before stopping on Vanya. “Vanya?”

“Leonard…” Vanya started, but stopped.

Allison moved to stand between her and Harold. Rage flashed in Harold’s eyes, there and gone in a moment, but Allison was nothing if not a damn good actress, and as such, she knew how to recognize emotions. She knew rage when she saw it, having practiced the look in the mirror enough times.

“Vanya, what’s she doing here?”

“Don’t,” Allison said, voice coming out harsh and more brittle than she wanted.

“Is she trying to push us apart, again? You know you can’t listen to her, Vanya, she doesn’t really care about you. She just wants to control you,” Leonard said, eyes on Vanya.

“Stop. Talking,” Allison said through gritted teeth.

 _Oh, he’s good_ , she thought. _A good little **rat**_ **.**

“Listen to her, Vanya! She’s trying to stop me from helping you! She’s trying to get between us, trying to keep you alone, just like you’ve always been.”

Allison heard Vanya’s breathing quicken, coming too fast. Her instincts screamed for her not to turn her back on a threat, though, so she didn’t turn around. She did reach a hand behind her, though, and groped around till she caught Vanya’s hand, holding it tight.

“Stop it, Harold, you’re freaking her out!” she hissed.

Harold’s face completely changed at the sound of his name, morphing into something ugly. Something he couldn’t hide. He knew they knew.

Vanya’s breath hitched behind her, becoming even more ragged and panicked. The house began to creak again, the chandelier swaying above them. Allison squeezed her hand, trying to convey that it would be okay, despite her having no idea if it would be or not.

“You just had to ruin _everything_ , didn’t you? _Rumor_ ,” Harold spit out.

He reached behind himself and pulled out a gun. Allison gasped, stepping back and into Vanya. He leveled the gun at Allison, a crazed look in his eyes.

“I shouldn’t have wasted my time, I should have just killed you all when I had the fucking chance! But could you imagine? The looks on your faces when your own _sister_ killed you? Little, ordinary, boring _Vanya?!_ It would have been _perfect!_ ”

He shook the gun at them, Allison flinching at every movement. She had to rumor him. She didn’t have a choice.

She opened her mouth, and Harold pulled the trigger.

**“NO!”**

Allison had closed her eyes on instinct, but when no pain blossomed anywhere on her body, she slowly opened them again.

Harold still had his gun raised, but he was staring behind Allison in shock. Allison turned her head, not willing to fully turn away, and she saw Vanya staring back at Harold. Allison’s breath hitched when she took in her suddenly blue, faintly glowing eyes.

Harold shook off his surprise, rage taking over his face again.

“You are _nothing_ , Vanya! Nothing!”

He shot again, but this time Allison’s eyes were wide open. She saw the bullet hit something invisible between them and Harold.

_Was this… was this Vanya?_

Frustration clouded Harold’s expression as he shot, again and again, until the gun clicked empty. Not a single bullet touched her or Vanya.

Allison turned to look at Vanya in wonder. This power… this whole time, Vanya had had so much power… Had Reginald been the one who was afraid all along?

“Go,” Vanya said, her voice seeming to vibrate the very air around them.

Anger twisted Harold’s face once more.

“You’re—” he started to say, but Vanya interrupted him.

 **“I SAID GO!”** she roared.

Harold was thrown backwards, his back hitting the closed front door, which flew off its hinges and onto the porch outside. He laid on the ground and didn’t move.

Suddenly, everything stopped moving and there was complete silence save for Allison’s heavy breathing. Slowly, she tore her eyes away from Harold’s crumpled form and looked at Vanya.

“Vanya?” she whispered.

Vanya gasped, eyes back to their beautiful brown, and fell to her knees in shock.

“Oh, god, what did I do, what did I do,” she gasped, holding her head in her hands.

Allison kneeled beside her, hands flitting around her, unsure where to touch.

“Shh, Vanya, it’s okay. It was self-defense, you were protecting us,” Allison said.

Vanya simply shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

Allison bit her lip, and glanced back at Harold. If he was still alive… maybe that would reassure Vanya.

But if he was dead…

Allison stood and slowly approached Harold’s prone form. There was no use in trying to protect Vanya from this—she’d learn the truth, one way or another. The least Allison could do was be the one who gave her the news.

She knelt by Harold, taking in the blood pooling by his head. But when she looked at his chest, she could see it moving slightly, and she sighed in relief. She hurried back to Vanya’s side.

“Vanya, it’s okay, he’s not dead, okay? I just checked, he’s still breathing,” Allison said, trying to sound reassuring.

She personally kind of wished Harold _was_ dead, but Vanya didn’t deserve that on her conscience.

Slowly, Vanya opened her eyes again and looked up at Allison, expression painfully hopeful.

“I didn’t kill him?” she whispered.

Allison shook her head. “No, no, he’s just unconscious.”

She reached out, smoothing a hand over Vanya’s hair until her hand came to rest on Vanya’s cheek. She shook her head in wonder, mind finally catching up with all that had just happened.

“Vanya… you’re _amazing_. You saved our _lives_.”

Vanya shook her head. “No, I…”

“Vanya,” Allison said, framing her face with both her hands. “That was one of the most incredible things I’ve seen in my entire life.”

Vanya looked at her with wonder-filled eyes, and Allison was suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss her. The thought startled her, forcing her to look away.

Now was not the time for those insidious thoughts to come creeping back out of the dark.

She looked back at Vanya with a gentle smile.

“We should call the police, let them handle him,” she said, jerking her head back at Harold. “And luckily, I know one of the officers out here.”

Vanya’s lips twitched up in an almost-smile.

“Sounds like a story,” she said, voice barely above a whisper.

Allison grimaced. “Yeah… I was looking for you, and ended up lying to a cop to try and get information. I pretended I was studying him for a role…”

Vanya huffed an almost-laugh. “And he believed you?”

“Hey!” she said, grinning and finally standing up to go look for a phone. “I’m a good actress.”

Vanya actually smiled this time. “I know. I’ve seen all your movies.”

Allison’s heart swelled at that, touched by Vanya’s love. She really didn’t deserve her.

“Even the shitty ones?” Allison asked.

“Especially the shitty ones,” Vanya replied, her smiled growing. “ _Sugar, Spice, and Nothing Nice_ is my favorite.”

Allison groaned. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you watched that. I don’t know _what_ I was thinking with that one…”

Vanya huffed a little laugh. “I think you were nineteen and thought vampires were hot.”

Allison laughed. “God, probably, but vampires in the _60s_?”

Vanya’s eyes filled with mirth and she smiled.

“I thought it was fun. Campy.”

Allison looked at her with a smile, shaking her head, before finally finding a phone.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“My sister and I were attacked. The guy my sister was… seeing came at us with a gun and tried to kill us.”

“Are you currently in danger or in need of medical care?”

“No, no, we’re fine. We were able to knock him unconscious, and neither of us were hurt,” Allison replied, glancing back at Vanya.

Vanya wasn’t looking at her, instead staring at her own hands. Allison bit her lip, worried.

“Where are you?”

“The cabin at the end of Old Forest Road, off Highway 63.”

“Officers are on their way to your location. You and your sister should get somewhere safe, in case the man wakes up.”

“Right, yeah,” Allison said, though she wasn’t particularly worried.

The gun was out of bullets, and Allison was more than capable of taking on someone like Harold in hand-to-hand.

She finished the call and went to wait with Vanya. Vanya had gotten up from the floor at some point and was sitting on a chair. Allison went to take the chair closest to her, but stopped before sitting.

She felt it was important to stay close to Vanya, right now. All their lives, there had been nothing but distance, so now, on the cusp of starting over, of making up for all that had been said and done, Allison felt the need to be closer.

So, instead of taking the chair, she sat on the floor at Vanya’s feet, leaning back against the chair, her side pressed to Vanya’s leg. When Vanya didn’t protest this, Allison leaned her head back and rested it on Vanya’s knee.

She lifted her hand and Vanya took it, and together they sat in silence, just being close for the first time in nearly twenty-five years.

Eventually, they heard the sirens coming up the road, and two police cars and an ambulance rolled up to the house.

They took Harold away, and the officers took her and Vanya’s statements—superpowers and all. Allison had almost gotten in an argument with one of the officers, but then one of them had recognized Allison and confirmed that she was telling the truth about having powers.

It came as a shock when they found the body of the man from the hospital in Harold’s trunk. Vanya had taken the news in stunned silence, staring blankly into space and not saying a word.

Allison’s heart broke for her once more, aching that she was in pain and Allison couldn’t do anything to fix it.

Finally, it was all over. The police told them they’d be in contact again for Harold’s trial, but that they were free to go.

Allison ushered Vanya out of the cabin and to her car. Vanya kept her violin with her, hugging the case to her chest as she stared out the windshield with unseeing eyes.

As Allison drove away, she kept glancing at Vanya, unsure what to say. This was all… so _much_. Everything that had happened this last week had been so intense, it was hard to comprehend it all.

She missed Claire… She wished she were driving home to her, now. That she’d get to hug and kiss her at the end of this long drive, and finally feel like she was home again.

But instead she was driving back to the mansion of haunted pasts and dark secrets, with a family that wasn’t really a family.

At least there was Vanya. No matter how lost she was right now, tonight had been a turning point for them. Allison knew that, whatever was ahead of them, they’d be able to face it together.

With that thought, she reached over and placed her hand on Vanya’s. After a long moment of hesitation, Vanya turned her hand and curled her fingers with Allison’s. Allison squeezed her smaller hand, once, twice, before letting their hands rest in the space between them.

 _Yay, sisters_ , she thought sardonically to herself. Sisters, but not in the way the rest of the world used the word. _Sisters_ like _sisterhood_. Like a deep bond built on shared trauma. _Sisters_ like a child soldier and a neglected little girl. _Sisters_ like two broken women who didn’t know who they were anymore.

Sisters, like her and Vanya.

As she drove into the early morning light, Vanya finally dozing off beside her, Allison let her thoughts wander to the edge of the darkness in her mind. She let herself remember, just for a moment, that deep yearning she’d tried to snuff out all her life.

She’d tried ignoring it, hating it, even rumoring it away. But it never truly left.

She’d been so ashamed for so long, but it felt ridiculous now. She’d never exactly been normal, after all, and it was about time she stopped trying to be seen that way. It had taken her a long time, but she'd finally learned that life was too short for that kind of thing.

She still had a long way to go, but that didn't mean she couldn't start here.

Vanya wasn’t the first or the last girl she’d yearned to kiss. But right now, she was the only woman Allison wanted close.

Allison watched as the sun finally breached the horizon, ushering in a new day, and a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

 _I can do this_ , she thought, and gently squeezed Vanya’s hand in hers.

 _We both can_.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos/comments always deeply appreciated:)
> 
> you can find me as 246-hargreeves on tumblr.


End file.
